Let your Light Shine!

"You are the light of the world. A city on the hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and paise your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:14-16

I needed to hear that this week! This week brought back some old feelings of unworthiness and loneliness. See, this journey has me stepping out of my comfort zone way more than I had realized it would. I thought this was about my journey in Africa, but the journey to even get there has already been eye opening for me. And at times, it's been down right painful. And it hasn't even been a month into it! Oy, vey!!

I had a friend tell me this week that they did not support me or this trip. That if I really wanted to make an impact on Uganda, I, we, could just send the money it takes to go and let them build the house and let them have the job. They said they thought Church was a joke and that it was more about "look at me! And look at what I'm doing!" And it hurt. And it made me realize that a lot of the people I sent letters to or told about this trip probably feel the same way. To top it off, I raised zero money this week. So that really reinforced those thoughts and feelings. I put myself out there to share this with everyone I knew thinking maybe they cared or maybe this is what someone else needed to hear...that Christians are not just judgement people who think everyone is going to burn in hell. That some of us want to make a difference in this world and show God's love through us. But with the lack of response, it really made me feel alone. I had thoughts of closing my FB and not continuing this blog and just selling what I needed to just to have enough money to go. I mean, I guess this experience isn't interesting to anyone else, so why am I even bothering?

Then I heard Big Daddy Weave's song 'Redeemed' and it reminded me that I am not that old person who has to struggle with thoughts of not being worthy...because I AM redeemed! He has set me free! Just because I had a rough week, doesn't change this trip and what it means to ME!! Here's an excerpt from the song -

Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be


Then last nights church service hit home too. (The Lord really does know what you need to hear and when you need to hear it!!) It was about being that light and being that light for God and SHINING for Him and for the world to see! As a human (and as an American!) I think sometimes we are just looking for that instant gratification, that instant acknowledgement that what I'm doing means something to someone else. But that's not always how God works. My job is to let that light shine, to show people how God is working on me. How He's changing me and how I can be redeemed through HIM! Who knows...maybe my trip will impact someone else. But meanwhile, I will strive to be that light. One that is bright and worthy of being set on a table to give light to the whole house. And I also know for sure....that HE is not done with me yet!!

Love you all!!